Spinning minds

I´m sitting in a half-dark room only illuminated by some candles. My mind is spinning around, restless, not to stop. There´s so much happening out in the world. But it´s not that that captures my thoughts. It´s not the lives of so many suffering people everywhere. It´s my own life I have to fight with.
Oh, I´m happy! I have a family that loves me, I have friends who care for me and the best thing I´m God´s child. I know Jesus loves me, I know He died for my sins. For me! I have no reason not to be happy. No reason to be worried, frightened. But still, there´s something in my mind, in my heart that´s always present. Someting....someone. It´s strange, when I think of him I don´t have this feeling of beeing in love. But still, there´s a warmth in my heart when my thoughts come to a halt at his picture. I know how he looks like, I know his voice and I know that his life belongs to God. But I´ve never talked to him. I see him now and then, but I don´t know if he sees me, too. I don´t let a single day pass without praying for him, without asking God if he´s the one. It sounds crazy, I know. I´m not in love with him. Not yet? I don´t want to fall in love with him. Do I? Can he be God´s plan for me? It seems so impossible that I´ll ever get to know him, that I´ll ever talk to him. But then, I know there´s nothing God can´t do. Where´s my trust in Him? Trust in God! I can just let Him do everything. He knows what´s good for me. All I need to do is trust in Him. But...!Again my mind! Should I do anything? I can just go up to him next time I see him. Talk to him. It wouldn´t be that difficult. Next time. Next week! No, I can´t! What if my feelings are wrong? Can I change God´s plan? Is it God´s plan? It´s trust. Again this little word that means so much! Trust. Trust and faith. Is he the one? Then God will go on with His plan. Is he not the one...? Still here, God will show me His way....and I will go with Him. Follow His plan. Again trust. Yes, I want to trust Him. He knows what´s best for me.

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