The depressive Brain of Hell behind the Mirror

La nuit tous les shits sont gras.

It has been a hot and sunny summer’s day and the sun was burning down on the streets of Monterey and probably all over California for hours and hours. But be that as it may, the night would be much hotter. This would be the night of the nights, the longest night of the summer, the night of being free. Everybody would be there and it would be unimaginable for him to stay away.

Half past eight they met in front of Denny’s, about twenty people, boys and girls, youngsters and old-timers, freaks and low-brow. In a trek of fife cars they set out for San Francisco, the city of peace, liberty and self-determination. Tonight they only would do what they wanna do, no boundary, no limit, no obligation, just be and live and feel free.

As they arrived at the warehouse quite near to fisherman’s wharf they could already hear the deep sound from the inside but they couldn’t see anybody, not a soul, not even cars were parked in front of the grey and inconspicuous shed. But they knew they weren’t the first and so they let the cars some blocks away. This was unavoidable because the event was still illegal and if they draw the attention of only one cop to this, it would surely be the end of the night and the reason for waiting a long time for the next one.

For Brian it wasn’t the first time that he was here but he felt like this. He was quite nervous, excited and afraid of being discovered by the police. Now he trotted along behind his friends, let his eyes flew over the dark and empty streets and put his hands deep in his pockets. Randy said he shouldn’t be such a coward but for Brian every trip was a new adventure and the special kick of this.

What was my problem with man you ask?
No, I ask you what was man´s problem with me?
You don´t even know me
You say that I´m not living right
You can´t understand me
So why do you judge my life?

It must have been round about midnight when they entered the warehouse thorough observed by the eyes of the doormen. Immediately they were caught by the darkness, the coloured neon lights and most of all by the hard bass of the deafening techno music. This was the first illegal rave party since several weeks and Brian knew that he would enjoy soak up every single minute.

He danced for hours and hours and he had a few drinks too, he loved the music, he loved the party people and he loved the old warehouse which turned into a great club with a large dancefloor, laserlights under the ceiling and lots of mirrors at every wall. It seems to him that there were thousands of dancing people in the room and each of them was mad and happy.

They all knew that this was their night, their breaking of rules and also a massive risk, because parties like this were not allowed and they all could be punished if they were caught by the police. But instead of avoid the event, the risk was the special atmosphere and the reason for intensifying the fun. They all were living for the night and every single person in this room has driven away all sorrows and was lost in music.

For just one day
I wanna feel totally free
no responsibilities
Just everything is okay
No desires
Just surviving is the key

Later, he could not say how much time had gone by, he felt exhausted and tired and sat down on one of the sofas in the chill-out-area and he couldn’t take any more. He closed his eyes and as he opened them again Randy stood right in front of him, covered in sweat but with lucky smile on his face.
“Hey”, he said, “don’t hang around. Take this pill and you’ll see you can dance all night long.”

First Brian hesitated but then he took the white little thing, closed his eyes and gulped it down. Randy said him to wait round about fifteen minutes and Brian did. He never took ecstasy before and did not know what would happen. Randy returned to the dancefloor and enjoyed his trip while Brian waited for the effect.

Just when he thought the pill must have been a fake he felt his blood pumping, it warmed his heart and new energy came over him. Brian felt the techno, the music streamed through his veins and he got an enormous impulse to dance. Back on the dancefloor amongst all the dancers his feet no longer touched the ground. His body was navigated by the music. His brain was out of order. Only dancing. Feeling the techno. He was floating. Flying.

One more time a celebration
You know we’re gonna do it right
Tonight, just feeling
Music’s got me feeling the need
We’re gonna celebrate
One more time
Celebrate and dance so free
Music’s got me feeling so free
Celebrate and dance so free

He was flying among and over the crowd. Carried by the music and the lights. Emotions streamed trough his body and his mind. The music, the lights, the mirrors. Refraction of laserlights in the mirrors. Become blurred. Disappearance in the mirror. Diving into the world behind the mirror. He followed the light. Into the world behind the mirror. Dancing far away from reality. Just feeling free. The time has come, the time for the total eclipse of time. Slipping out of this world. Everything is free and great. He feels alive. More than ever before.

He’s dancing and dancing, dancing all night long. But what is night? What means time? Time doesn’t exist any longer. What is the world? What is life? Reality doesn’t exist any longer. The only thing that exists is the world behind the mirror, his own world, his own reality. Another dimension. Music, dancing, light, emotions, freedom. Total disappearance of everything. Flying.

Sounds. Hard bass. Enticing melodies. Strange vibrations. Illumination. Lights. Deep blue, dark red, bright yellow, dazzling white. Feelings like heat, ease and love. Satisfaction. Expressing his hidden passion. Intensity. Being alive. He feels alive, feels life, feels. He is alive, he is, just is. Is in his own world, the world behind the mirror, his private world in the middle of his soul. His mind is free, is flying, he has disappeared from reality, disappeared into his mind, his soul, his brain. None could bother him, nothing could disrupt his flight. He’s away. Far, far away. Far into himself.

Somethin` bout those little pills
Unreal the thrills they yield
Until they kill a million
Brain cells
I`m going down to
La La Land
I hope to see you soon in
La La Land

Far into his own world, his own mysterious reality, the land of contemplation deep in his brain. Drift deep into his own thoughts. Deep into the innerstrange. Out of control. Harder, faster, stronger. Sounds control your mind. His body doesn’t obey him anymore, he lost his consciousness and has no longer the command of his mind. He’s a prisoner of his own, in his own world, the world into his brain, so that he’s captured in his own brain. Braising in the brain of Brian.

This couldn’t be his own fantasy, his mind, the inside of himself. It’s not the hidden passion of his brain. It’s the brain of hell. The horrible and insane hell behind the mirror, the dark side of life. Far beyond your wildest imagination. An accident in paradise. And he’s drifting like whales in the darkness. Tasting the forbidden fruit, that blew him into darkness like a wild organic storm, a hurricane. A sandstorm, blow your mind to zombie nation and his transformation to a stormjunkie, braising in the brain of Brian.

Suddenly he hears a voice coming from deep down his perished mind. What are you doing here it asks with a reproachful stress and he does not know. He’s at a party, forgot everything, pumps his brain out with ecstasy and loses the control. You are a loser, the voice says, a quite dirty good-for-nothing. A useless son of a bitch, a nasty motherfucker, not in a position to do anything convenient or at least harmless.

Have you ever thought about committing suicide?
Leaving the world behind?
The sorrow, the pain and the fear
Of the unknown future
Delivering from any human needs and pressure
In just one second
Your cry for help is lost in this lonely world
In which you are completely alone
Nobody helps you when you`re feeling down
And the loneliness is breaking your heart
It would be so simple to go down
The stairs of the final way

As they found Brian he was still dancing. They called at him that they must flee away, but he just was far away. Fiona uttered a cry when she saw that Brian’s pupils were unnatural big and gave him a good shake. But it was hopeless, because Brian was still on his trip and could not realize the frontiers between reality and his world. So Randy quick-witted grabbed his arm and tugged him to the door. But this also was hopeless, because the police just surrounded the warehouse and caught every raver coming out of the building. Finally they also nabbed Brian in which they ignored Fiona’s and Randy’s requests to call the ambulance. So Brian stayed into his world behind the mirror whirled by the storm, while his body was brought to the police station.

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