Auch wenn Garban´s Monologue eben ein Monolog und keine Kurzgeschichte ist, so habe ich diesen Textauszug dennoch für diese Kategorie gewählt, weil ich glaube, beim Lesen der Zeilen werden sich vor innerem Auge Geschichten frei machen.
Laßt Eure Fantasie spielen. Ich würde mich über mitgeteilte Assoziationen freuen.
I remember the past / and compare it with now / and I still dream /
of the purity of my mind and defend it / against the events.
If there is guilt / The guilt must be given to the ignorant world /
which cannot understand / my feelings.
And my being here / in a lunatic asylum / is because of the
violation of the purity of / my heart.
This is how it has to be. / I have finally found the loneliness /
I fled from for so long and now / they got me in here.
Where I am the only one / to hear me, to feel me / to see me.
My voice talks out of me and my voice / talks to me.
My eyes look out of me and my eyes / look at me.
I am my own dungeon and I am / my own prisoner.
I am two.
The one outside me / who gave love / so that the inside Me / would be loved
And my love was the love of the naive and / for so long
I have walked in untold heights of clouds called # 9 / then fell
into unnamed depths.
Like the raped angel / bereaved of its virginity.
Oh / if only they would lift their masks / those judging over me.
I then would not see / their real selves and would / see nothing.
But nothing are the creatures / judging over me so that they /
might become humans / by their masks / living their lives / just like an act.
But they will not / get me / even in here where they call me / a lunatic.
I will walk again / through the desert where there is /
no horizon and no place / to settle down.
I will forget about my mother / will forget about my father.
Nobody has borne me and I am / no-one´s successor.
I am nothing / but the brood of their feverish dreams / I am one like those /
vandalizing hordes of society that have left the earth / scorched inside my head
they have burnt my body / in flames of morality and drowned my soul /
in a thousand lakes.
But I remember a past and I will keep on / walking up those stairs /
I call my life majestically / even if / for no other reason than to fall down-/ as expected- /
majestically or not
because my love is true and will melt the ice of Antarctica like the heat of a greater sun.
Still, they want me to keep silent / they want me blind and / deaf and / insensible.
They have stolen my innocence to break / me.
They laugh at me and / ask me what the hell / I do sitting on tables / hiding:
"Madman, why sitting on tables / looking on the floor?
Looking for the fragments of your virginity?
Or watching how the blood of your sins coagulates?"
I say: Crime. / They laugh: you talk about crime.
I persist: Crime. / I hear their laughter and / suddenly I am scared.
They will come. / They will come. / They will do it again.
I can feel them like / spiders on my skin,
their hands leave / slimy trails on my body.
They do it again.
Bereaving me of my innocence / for yet another time.
I am defenceless and stiff / feeling the disgust that drops / through my pores like poison.
Finally they let go / buzzing away like a / million flies / leaving their laughter / in my ears.
"Crime? / You talk about crime?
Blame your father for / procreating, blame your mother for / giving birth.
They have made a mistake / when they thought they had given birth / to a man
instead they had hatched / a creepy little ugly queen."
Dishonoured virgin / in black I am.
Hush baby hush / sleep in the arms of / your tormentors.
My soul soars up to be / smashed on the ceiling / I am eaten by / transparent flies
in the bareness of / living nightmares.
Sweat-soaked creatures have raped / the angel / shedding white disgust / over my remains.
Now I am sitting here / in the corner of my / lunatic booth.
The only one to hear me / to feel me / to see me as I am.
My eyes look out of me / and my eyes look / at me.
My voice talks out of me / and my voice talks / to me.
I am my own dungeon and I am / my own prisoner.
I ask for help but who / should help me?
Help me, help me / help yourself and if you are cold set yourself / on fire.
But nobody wants to / see the scars afterwards / They make them sick.
They have done it. / They have done it.
Hush baby hush / Fall asleep into / merciful last sleep.
Hush baby hush. Escape / from the arms of / your tormentors.
Today I died / And survived myself.
They have torn out / disgust and fear / my Siamese twins / out of my body.
I died and survived / my friends and my enemies.
Vorheriger TitelNächster Titel
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